DIY: Money Pizza

True Story

In my Writ101 class that I took back in 2012, we had to write about a place that we treasured or "visited" often and go into detail about why it was so important to us. It took courage for me to write something so personal, but more importantly it took courage to tell my story at all.  

I have not been back to this place in over 6 months and don't plan to go back there again, but the story and message still applies where ever I go...

My life place essay, “His Doors” is centered on my faith; and even though I have struggled in my life, I've found refuge in my church**. I talk about my rebellion and allowing myself to be exploited by my friends due to not knowing what my purpose in life was. “His Doors” refers to God and how He is constant and always there, just like the doors into my church were for me during my transformation.

The biggest decision regarding my life place essay was whether or not to write about my faith and church. This topic makes me feel vulnerable, and yet I felt the need to write about it. At the same time, I didn't want to come off too preachy; instead I wanted to let my audience know that I am not perfect, and believing in God and being a follower have truly changed my life. Another choice I had to make was where to put my focus. There are so many places here in Missoula, Mt. that are important to me and that I go to often, but I didn't want to write about them all. Keeping church as my central location, I was able to build off what I liked, didn't like and learned from my bioregion.

His Doors

By: Jessica Partain

Written in 2012

It’s crazy to think that a place that is supposed to make you feel safe, free and welcome can also be the scariest. I have been going here for as long as I can remember. Walking through the heavy double front doors feels like the first time every time. There were moments that I felt overwhelmed, like people were watching my every move. Sometimes slapping a fake smile on my face and saying “I’m good” would make the few hours here more bearable. Deep inside I wanted to cry out and let someone know I was not okay. I felt alone and unsure of what my purpose was. I hadn’t always appreciated this place; but no matter how hard it was, I showed up every Sunday.

September, 2011 is when I changed my life. It didn’t change in the way you might think. For some, change means moving to a new place or having a baby; but for me it was giving up my worldly ways and giving my life to God. I had been baptized when I was sixteen, but I never really knew what it meant to walk in faith, until that very moment in September.

For the longest time whenever anything bad would happen to me or something didn’t go my way, I felt like God was punishing me. It was the little things, like spending money that I didn’t have on fixing my car or slamming on my brakes just in time to avoid hitting a deer that made me feel that way. Silly, I know, but remember I was uncertain of my purpose and I felt hopeless--until one day in September, when I realized that God hadn’t been punishing me at all.

Instead, God had been asking me, begging me and showing me I needed to trust and follow him. I burst into tears. There had been signs everywhere--like the time a stranger came up to me and noticed I had been crying, told me he had had a good night playing poker and wanted to share his winnings with me; he then handed me a twenty dollar bill. As he walked away, he said, “God bless you”. Or the time I was in my car driving to my parents’ house. I was on a road that I had driven many times and I was making a turn that if you’re not paying attention could be dangerous. Well, I thought I had plenty of time to make it, but I was mistaken. It felt like everything went into slow motion--but my life was spared. And the time I had ditched my so-called friends at the last minute to hang out with my family. We had planned to go party and they were mad of course, but nothing made me feel more loved and wanted than being with my family when I was feeling alone. All those little things added up to this realization that God was taking care of me--not punishing me--and that I wasn’t alone.

Now, God hasn’t always been the center of my world. In fact, I led my life quite the opposite of godliness. Not knowing where I belonged and feeling useless led me down a dangerous path. It was a vicious cycle of lying, drinking parties, and getting caught that had surrounded the most rebellious time in my life. It didn’t matter who I was hurting. Lying to my family and manipulating the people who cared about me became easier over time because it meant I was living life my way. Lost and wandering alone didn’t seem so lonely with my superficial relationships. I hung around people who didn’t care about my well being, and who used my vulnerability for their own entertainment and good times. Even though the stairs leading up to these front doors were wide open to me, I had closed and locked them in my mind.

My belief in God has always been a presence in my life, but my rebellion had a stronger hold on me than anything else. Even with these strong feelings that lingered over me, something was telling me I needed to change. The Holy Spirit? With misplaced trust, I went with the crowd. They became my standard, my beacon, my source of acceptance. If they wanted me drunk, I would drink. If they wanted me funny, I would give them a laugh even at my own expense. I was only hurting myself. This thing tugging at my heart was telling me I was meant for something better, and there was more to life than being thrown around like a rag doll.

In the midst of change, my old ways would consume me. Leaving my old life was what I needed, but the urge to meet up with old friends haunted me. It seemed like everything I did was wrong. I was constantly getting caught: mothers have a way of knowing. Mine was holding me accountable for my actions. Walking through those familiar front doors every week was a constant reminder that I needed to change. My stomach would be in knots walking to my seat, and listening to the lesson delivered from the pulpit made me feel like it was written just for me--telling me I needed to be better. These four walls were supposed to make me feel free; but because of my actions, I felt ashamed and embarrassed.

Changing was not at all easy: my reputation preceded me. I had been dishonest, deceitful, immoral, self-centered, and godless. Forgiveness is a hard thing for anyone to give, and trust is even harder to regain. Because of my humility and the grace shown by those closest to me, I had decided to do the hardest thing of all and face everyone who knew my history. But walking into the front door of a place that I’ve grown up in and facing my fears may have been what saved me.

The green stairs can be seen from the roundabout on South Higgins. Two sets of double doors open to the smell of coffee and the soft buzz of friendly conversation. On a screen in the auditorium the clock counts down to the final second, then it all begins. Voices lift in songs, and the congregation comes together in praise. And the doors are always open to old and new faces.

Sticking by my decision to go to church no matter how hard it was eventually became like home. My perspective changed about this building: it’s now a welcoming place of people who saw me struggle but also saw my refusal to give up. I made amends and did everything in my power to change. I learned that it wasn't enough to just promise to do better; I had to actually do better. Words mean nothing if you can’t back them up. Everything I did was designed to serve and uplift someone other than myself. Humility fell over me and that’s when my faith changed my life.

It’s a strange feeling when someone says they’re proud of you. I know all the hard work I had put into changing, but it felt different when others noticed too. Looking back, I know I had people around me who wanted to see me succeed; but it wasn't until I found the strength from God inside myself to finally take this giant leap of faith that I did succeed. Seeing those front doors from the street every day and walking through them every week kept my faith constant, never wavering. That place was always there and never left me; it protected me and guided me through all my ups and downs. This was the one place I had once resented--and yet now I found it never failed me.

I have a little boy. He is only three years old and he already loves all the places I love. I take him to creek sides, mountain trails, city parks, farmer’s market, and homecoming parades. But none of those places will provide him with the love and safety he will find behind these front doors. What I try my hardest to teach him is that no matter where he is, he will always find them and they will always open to him.

**My current church is Echo, here in Missoula and I love my city!

Adventures of Young Molly

I'm working on my final animation project, Framed.   In this story I am using the much younger version of Molly. She is about 8 years old and she finds herself on quite the adventure.

 I'm using Photoshop to create the back drop for Molly's character. I'm also using the timeline and onion skinning  to add her movement throughout the frames. This is the digital version of a flip book.

22 layers later, I am done with my background and now it's time to animate young Molly. She will jump, float, swing from frame to frame. With a few surprises along the way, she will make her way back home.  This will be my first time using a graphic table; so after lots of stressing out and practice I think I'm able to do a simple drawing of Molly and put her in this fun world I've created for her. 

Art consists of limitation. The most beautiful part of every picture is the frame.

-Gilbert K. Chesterton

DIY: Chocolate Covered Strawberries (Adult Version)

Are you going to a party and need a dessert to bring or do you need a gift for that special someone who's turning 21? Try making these adult chocolate covered strawberries. You can't go wrong with this simple recipe, and it tastes delicious! 

What You'll Need:

Whipped cream vodka (I used Pinnacle)
Large strawberries
White or dark choc of your choice
Wax paper
Mason jar*

Directions:
Wash and rinse your strawberries.
Fill up mason jar with berries,
Cover with whipped cream vodka.
Close jar and sit in fridge for 24 hours.

*I used whatever I had on hand (this dish had a lid).

Take berries out of jar or whatever you chose to use, reserving vodka for later use.
Pat dry berries really well with paper towels.
Dip in chocolate and dry on wax paper.

I made these as a gift for my friends 21st birthday. I put each strawberry in a cupcake wrap and then covered it with the wax paper. 

Helpful Hints:

-When dipping strawberry into chocolate leave time for mistakes. If you've never done this before, the first few strawberries don't always turn out how you want them to.

-Using Mason jars with a lid works 100% better.

Keep out of children's reach

beYOUtiful

Every girl has that one thing that they want to change or don't like about themselves. For me, it's my natural curly hair. For those of you who don't know, I haven't worn my hair in its natural curly state in over ten years. Most of my family haven't even seen it that way in a long time and some didn't even know I had curly hair. That is because I felt it made me look unpretty and I was self conscious about my hair because of all the attention it drew. Not all the attention was bad but I didn't like it just the same. It's funny how sometimes you can get totally consumed by that one thing you wish you could change, that you loose sight of what's really important...to love yourself and your insecurities.

After years of struggling with my hair, the new, older and much wiser me decided to overcome my insecurity about my hair and do something that scares me and wear it naturally curly. And that's just what I did...

Day One: It took everything in my power not to cry. I know what you're thinking "it's just wet, curly hair, it's not that big of a deal, Jes". But, I couldn't stop myself...I cried. Remember, I haven't styled my hair this way in years; and, not only that, no one has really ever seen it that way. Well, the good news is that with makeup and a cute outfit, I turned my attitude right around. Day 1 was a success, I felt pretty and I couldn't remember why I was so self conscious about my curly hair in the first place.

Day Two: I made the most of a "bad situation". Ha! Even though day one went well, day two was a bit different. To wear curly hair as a style, I must start with wet hair and apply a hair product in order for it look the way I want it to. Ain't nobody got time for that. Day two didn't turn out as planned but at least I walked with my head high and was still happy with this "little" challenge.

My Secret to Overcoming an Insecurity: Embrace it. No matter how you think you look or feel, because 9 times out of 10 you really do look good. Next, put some effort into your look. The extra time you put  into your outfit or makeup routine really does make a difference. Lastly, love yourself because your family and friends do!

Ladies (and gents), My challenge to you is to embrace whatever insecurities you might have no matter how big or small --you will be happier for it! Watch Cassandra's Story and learn what it means to truly be BeYOUtiful.

"One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a crap."

Forgive Me...

...It has been 2 weeks since my last confession (blog post).  Now that all my projects and assignments have been turned in I will show you what I've been up to. 


First, is my attempt at Stop Motion.  I did a play on the words "Mirror Mirror on the wall" from Snow White and I'm really happy with how it turned out. My favorite part is when the "mirror takes over" and starts to dress Mistee up in different characters. Animation allows you to be playful and I feel that's what I've done here...


Special Thanks to:  Mistee Brown, who had no idea what she was getting herself into and did an outstanding job. To my Mom, once again you went above and beyond the call of duty for me... I always enjoy working with you. Last but not least, JBuzz (what what), you're the best. Period!


Next, is my group project Misconception with my JP and Zach. Read about my experience -->HERE!

Contains Some Language

At the screening I forgot to acknowledge JP --you put so much time into post production and into the sound design. Which is totally worth mentioning because I know it's not an easy task. I got stage fright and lost all my words when it came to my turn to speak in front of the class. If you read this...Thank You!

Finally, in the midst of all my ciaos and mayhem, I got to squeeze in sometime to do  Ms. Abbey's hair and makeup for prom. I can't believe you are old enough to go to prom, it's amazing how time flies --felt like not too long ago I was living in your basement and taking care of you and your sisters. Thank you for thinking of me and letting me be apart of this experience. Landon keeps talking about how you look like Queen Elsa! Ha! You looked stunning in your dress. Love you Girl!

Next Weeks To Do List:

1.) Relax
2.) Have Fun
3.) Repeat steps 1 & 2

“Just breathing can be such a luxury sometimes.”

― Walter Kirn, Up in the Air

DIY: Money Gift Bags

I have 15 nieces and nephews and as their Aunt I love to celebrate them. But sometimes it's hard to decide what to get them. Money gift bags is definitely the way to go --It was just as fun to watch them open, as it was to make. 

What you'll need:

1.) Scissors

2.) Masking Tape $3.69-$8.00 

3.) Color Paper.  I used card stock, but any kind will work. This will be used for a 'Pull' tab and gift tag. $.99-$3.00

4.) A gift bag. Small works best, I used a mini gift bag from target. They can cost anywhere from $.20 -$3.00.

5.) Money. 6-10+ dollar bills taped together make the present exciting!

Start by taping the dollar bills end to end...

Then use your color paper to make a 'Pull Here' tab and tape it to the end of the dollar bill. 

Next, measure the width of the dollar bill and cut a slit in the bag wide enough for dollar bills to slide through. Then roll up the dollar bills and put the money in the bag. Pull the tab out of the slit, add tissue paper and add card or tag.

Lastly, watch the fun unroll!

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."

-Desmond Tutu